i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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