I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
