omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
