Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
