Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize