you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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