stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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