I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
