She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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