but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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