I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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