Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
