I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
