You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
