I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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