Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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