That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
