Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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