i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
