Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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