Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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