why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
