wanna go halves on a baby?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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