i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
