the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
