Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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