Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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