I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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