take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
