Don't you send me to vm
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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