she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
