"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
