Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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