Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
