i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
