i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
