Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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