3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
