I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
