you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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