i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
