I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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