I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
