I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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