The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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