i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
