i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
