our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize