people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
