I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
