She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
