mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize