He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
