flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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