i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
