we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
