That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
