Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He has the fingertips of a God
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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