did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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