He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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