I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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