why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
