please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
