I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
