the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
