but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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