What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
