My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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