can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
