Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
