I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She told me I should be a condom model.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
