oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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