Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
