you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
