Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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