new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
