shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize