this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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