I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
