good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
do nipples grow back?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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