I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
