I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
