I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
