There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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