I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
