I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
