I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
