I'm lost and stupid without you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
