Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
