in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
