i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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