I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
