There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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