Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
