What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
