My nipple is on Facebook.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
