Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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