Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
