I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
