I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
